I Knew Life Was Never Meant to Be Easy
by captainhillshipper
Summary: <html><head></head>Maria knew there would be fallout when she followed Steve to take down SHIELD and HYDRA, she just never imagined how far and wide it would spread across her life. Still, she wouldn't go back and change it. She knew life was never meant to be easy. First story in a five part series. MCU canon-compliant, as far as my old brain can recall. T for language.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story has been percolating in my head since I first watched TWS. It's evolved a few times into what I now hope is acceptable, to me, if not the reader. Over at AO3 this story will be a part of a series entitled "Fallout." The story is mostly about what happens to Maria over the years after TWS, but, of course, does not include anything in AOU because I'm not even willing to venture a guess as to what is happening during that film yet. :)**

**This is, surprise again, not immediately a Captain Hill ship. It will morph into that eventually in the last segment of the series. I had intended to make it a "surprise ending." But then I remembered just how much I hate the writers of HIMYM and decided to come clean at the beginning. :D**

**The series will be four parts plus one one-shot. This particular story takes place immediately following events of TWS. The next is the one-shot and will be from Tony's POV. The third through fifth are longer stories. This part of the series should be completely posted before my NaNoWriMo break next month.**

**Until AOU is released, this story is within MCU canon as far as I can recall. It is entirely Maria-centric. I plan to run my poor muse through the ringer in order that, as Kurt Vonnegut said, the reader may see what she is made of. **

**The first chapter is me explaining away my favorite deleted scene from TWS, the one between Sitwell and Hill. *sigh* I torture myself almost as much as my characters and readers. ;) The title is from a quote by W.M. Lewis that I found while looking for something else. :)  
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**I think that's all. Please enjoy and R&R.**

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><p><em>I knew life was never meant to be easy...<em>  
><em>But I never thought it would be this hard.<em>  
><em>W.M. Lewis<em>

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Maria Hill, former Deputy Director of the former organization known as SHIELD, pushed open the hospital room door. Her attention was immediately drawn to the man lying in the bed. Steve Rogers commanded notice, even in his weakened state, though he appeared to be feeling far better than the first time she had visited him after the battle at the Triskelion.

Her gaze turned to Steve's friend, Sam Wilson, as he stood from his chair next to Rogers' bed and she gave him a nod and a slight smile in acknowledgement to his greeting. Steve stirred as he heard the two and he opened his eyes.

"Hill," he said and she was relieved that his voice sounded strong.

She had kept regular contact with Wilson for updates on Rogers' recovery which could only be described as miraculous. She could see for herself now that he truly was on the mend, and it felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders.

"Rogers," she replied.

"I'll just step out for some coffee," Wilson said.

Maria nodded to him again as he passed on his way out the door. Tentatively, she stepped closer to Steve's bedside. She hadn't seen him conscious since he left her in the control room at the Triskelion. The last time she'd visited had been directly following his surgery to remove the slugs the Winter Soldier had put in him.

"Sam tells me you're recovering nicely," she said.

He nodded his head, but was silent. Neither had ever been good at small talk, but the added weight of guilt Maria carried with her now made it even more difficult.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I need to apologize," he said at the same time.

Maria gave him a confused look.

"What would you apologize for?" she asked.

"For being so hard on you before," he replied.

Maria paused before responding. He had certainly been hard on her the last time they'd seen each other before Nick was attacked, but he'd had his reasons, and Maria understood. Steve was a soldier, a man of action. Her inaction when he thought she should have done more than formally express her disagreement was inexcusable to him.

So she shook her head.

"You had your reasons," she assured him. "Most of them were valid."

"No," he immediately replied. "I should have accepted that you were putting your job on the line for me, and that should have been enough."

"Don't be ridiculous Captain," she said, and noted his unusual reaction.

"I thought I was 'Steve' now," he told her with that affable half grin of his.

Maria expertly hid her reaction.

When she didn't respond, they remained in silence for some time until he did something entirely unusual and reached over to take her hand in his.

Maria looked at their clasped hands and wondered what point he was trying to make.

"When we were in the bunker," Steve began, "I was so surprised that you immediately agreed with my plan to take all of SHIELD down."

She looked back at his face and hoped the look she gave him conveyed her own surprise.

"It was what needed to be done," she told him. "After we realized how deeply HYDRA had embedded itself in the organization, there was no alternative."

"I know, but," he stopped and appeared to be gathering his thoughts.

Maria waited quietly. She had nowhere to be and she owed him this, after what had nearly happened.

After several minutes, he went on.

"I didn't trust you to do that," he explained. "To be on my side, to, well, to have my back in that meeting."

He paused again and closed his eyes. When he opened them he gave her a remorseful look that Maria felt was entirely unnecessary.

"I assumed you'd side with Fury," he told her. "SHIELD is, was, pretty much your life, like it was his, and I thought you'd be opposed."

Maria said nothing in response, she'd already explained herself once and there was no need for her to repeat her earlier statement. This wasn't a Senate inquiry.

"But I've been thinking about it since then," he continued. "And I realized I was wrong about you all this time. I used to think you didn't do enough, because you would voice objections when I felt you should do more."

He sighed and shook his head.

"I was being selfish," he confessed. "I didn't consider the consequences of what I expected you to do."

Maria chuckled softly and surprised herself by squeezing his hand which still held hers.

"Rogers, there's not a selfish bone in your body," she argued. "And I never expected you to understand. It's a different world than the one you knew, the one that made you who you are. You're up front and honest, most of the modern world hides behind some sort of mask."

He only shook his head at her.

"You're not going to get me to let myself off easily," he informed her. "So either accept my apology or don't."

He gave her a full smile now and she couldn't help but return one herself.

"Alright," she said. "But you have to tell me what you think you're apologizing for."

"For not trusting you," he told her as his smile faded into a more serious look.

Maria looked at him for a moment before she squeezed his hand again and nodded.

"Apology accepted," she said.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and faves and follows. They are my pay and I appreciate it all. :)**

**Second chapter of three. Please remember that this is not initially a Captain Hill ship so don't be disappointed. :D**

**Please R&R.  
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><p><strong>Six months later<strong>

The tension in her neck spread to her head and Maria thought, not for the first time, that there was not enough pay in the world to make this job worth it, even though she made twice working for Stark as she had for SHIELD. It was 8am EDT and since her early morning wake-up call at 4am, Maria felt that this day could not come to an end soon enough. Swearing under her breath, she stepped out of Stark's "war room" and made her way purposely down the hall to her office. She walked by the elevator just as the doors slid open to reveal Tony Stark, himself.

"Sit-rep, Hill," he ordered, and Maria stopped and turned around to follow Stark back into the war room.

"Things went to hell in Kazakhstan," she told him as he perused the graphics.

"Simon had a lead on Dave Purcell, but Purcell decided he should go out with a bang," Maria continued.

"Casualties?" Tony asked.

"Aside from Purcell, Simon, and the three members of Simon's team, five civilians living in the house next door."

Maria's voice was cool as ever and she received the expected visual appraisal from her boss. Stark didn't comment and silence hung between them for several minutes as he finished reading the intel. Finally, he rose and Maria followed him out into the hall.

"I want a full report on my desk by the time this hits the newswires," he said, then veered back to the elevator.

"Yes, sir," she said.

"For the love of g-d, stop calling me that," he said as he pushed the up call button. "JARVIS calls me that. You're not a computer, Hill."

Maria ignored him, as she always did when he complained about it.

"Should I notify the next of kin?" she asked.

He turned and stared at her, pursing his lips as if he was thinking. She was sure he'd already considered it, but this had to be kept as far from Stark Industries as possible.

"Use the contingencies we set up when we started," he said then stepped into the elevator as it opened for him.

Maria simply nodded then walked back to her office. By now her head was throbbing as her stomach reminded her that four cups of coffee and a Danish didn't make a good breakfast.

"Good morning, Kate."

Maria walked up to her Personal Assistant's desk.

"Maria." She acknowledged as she handed Maria the morning mail. "Bad night?"

"Kazakhstan didn't go as planned," she told her. "Lost the team and five civilians."

Kate looked shaken for a moment, and Maria couldn't blame the woman, who was normally as stoic as she. It had been a difficult six months of adjustment since Maria had followed Captain America and helped him burn SHIELD to the ground after the discovery that HYDRA had fully infiltrated the organization. Kate Neville was one agent Maria knew she could trust and she'd brought her on board at SI as soon as Stark hired her. It created a perfect cover for the both of them. While Kate was no longer unknown, her role as Maria's Personal Assistant made people take her talents for granted. They'd shared quite a few laughs over drinks after ops about how well misogyny worked in their favor.

"I've got to get started on the full report so Stark can have it if he's called when the news hits the wire," she told Kate. "Want to order us up some breakfast?"

Kate nodded as Maria began to flip through the envelopes she'd been handed. Shortly they both heard the faint sounds of the Mighty Mouse cartoon theme song.

"Interesting ringtone, Neville." Maria raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"It's coming from your pocket, Hill." Kate laughed.

Maria looked at her for a moment as she slowly realized what had happened.

"Damn, Stark," she said and pulled the phone from her pocket.

Looking at the screen she saw Steve's name with an American flag background. She shook her head, definitely Stark.

"Hello?" She answered tentatively, just in case it wasn't Steve.

"Maria." She heard his voice at the other end and relaxed.

"Steve, hi, I wasn't sure who it was. Tony got a hold of my phone again and changed your ringtone," she informed him.

"Do I want to know what it plays now?" he asked with a laugh.

"The Mighty Mouse theme song," she chuckled as she walked into her office and closed the door behind her.

"I'm so glad you called," she said. "It's been a hell of a morning."

"Yeah?" he asked. "Wanna have lunch?"

"You're in town?" she asked, surprised.

"We just got in," he told her.

"Lunch would be really good today," Maria said, and she started to relax.

"Usual place?" he asked.

"Sure, that'd be great," she said. "It'll be good to see you and Sam."

"Well, actually Sam's not going to be there," he told her.

"Oh?" Maria hoped she didn't sound obviously disappointed.

"He's getting in later this afternoon," Steve explained.

"Sorry, I thought you had said "we,"" Maria questioned.

"I did," he said, then paused. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Sure," she said, though she didn't feel quite as excited anymore. "I'll see you around one?"

"Yeah, we'll see you then."

She ended the conversation and sat quietly, staring at her unopened laptop for a moment. In six months' time Steve had gone from "I don't have time to date" to "There's someone I'd like you to meet." It seemed unusual, but unusual was slowly becoming the usual in her life.

There was a knock at the door and Kate opened it to bring in their breakfast and interrupted Maria's thoughts.

"So," Kate carried out the 'so' for an extra second to indicate she wanted to know what happened with the phone conversation.

"We're meeting for lunch," Maria told her, somewhat blandly.

"You usually look happier when you're meeting him for lunch," Kate said, and Maria looked sharply at her.

"Hey, don't kill the messenger," Kate held up her hands. "Especially when she's just delivering a message you already have in your head."

"I do not like Captain Rogers," she said, starting their usual argument.

"Please, you are so pathetic," Kate said as she shook her head.

"What?!"

"You at least have a crush on him," Kate said and Maria wondered briefly if mangling a personal assistant was on the list of things executives couldn't do.

"You're insane."

"Good comeback," Kate deadpanned.

She picked up her orange juice to take a drink.

"You have a Steve smile," Kate told her.

"A what?"

"A smile you only have when he calls or when he's here." Kate looked too happy sharing this information.

"Now I know you're certifiable." And completely clueless, Maria thought.

"It's how Sam knows," Kate said.

"Sam thinks I like Steve?" Maria asked casually and hoped she did a good job covering her surprise.

Kate nodded and Maria tried to ignore the way that made her feel. It was for the best, she told herself. She didn't need that sort of entanglement right now.

"Well, for your information, he's bringing someone he wants me to meet," Maria said, trying to get her mind off Sam.

"Oh," Kate said with relished disappointment.

They were silent a moment as Maria started up her laptop and began to eat her scrambled eggs.

"Well, he's a fool," Kate said.

"Oh, seriously," Maria admonished. "Just stop. We have important work. And if you can't stop playing matchmaker I'll ask Pepper to make you Stark's assistant.

Kate shuddered jokingly, but she didn't mention it again.

Break

Maria took a deep breath as Happy opened the limousine door for her out front of the restaurant where she was meeting Steve and his "friend." She turned to Stark's body guard as she stepped out.

"I'll take a cab back, or walk," she said.

He gave her a wary look.

"It'll be fine," she said, then turned and walked away before he could argue.

Happy was well aware of the nearly incessant death threats that Maria had been receiving since DC. One had even been attempted a month earlier. But Maria didn't feel much like hiding all the time.

She sighted Steve as she walked into the restaurant and headed to the table. Within a few steps she noticed the blonde woman with him, and when the woman turned, as Steve looked up, Maria was glad for her years of training at SHIELD otherwise she wouldn't have been able to hide her amusement.

Sharon Carter, Maria should have known. Who else but Peggy's niece could have taken Captain America to, "Let me take you to meet my mother," so quickly?

Steve, always the gentleman, stood as soon as Maria approached the table.

"It's good to see you," he said, as he pulled out her chair.

Then, a little nervously, he began introductions.

"Do you know Sharon?" he asked.

Maria nodded and greeted Agent Carter, who returned her greeting.

"I know mostly _of_ her," she said. "She never worked for me directly."

Turning to Sharon she asked, "How's the CIA treating you?"

"It's not quite the same environment as SHIELD, but I enjoy it," the woman replied.

The waiter came and took their order, then Sharon's phone rang and she apologized as she left to take the call.

Maria turned and cocked an eyebrow at Steve, who blushed slightly.

"So, you did already know her," he said.

Maria nodded, knowing this was going somewhere but not really sure where.

"Did you know what she was working on before?" he asked.

So that was it. He wanted to know if she'd known about his watcher.

"No," she told him, because it was the truth. "I suspected Nick had someone on you, that is his style after all, but Sharon? Well, that's pretty ballsy, even for Nick."

"Why?" he asked.

"What if you'd run into her when you were visiting Peggy?" Maria laughed.

Steve nodded.

"I met her, officially, at the funeral," he said, his face darkening slightly.

Maria felt a twinge of pity for Steve's loss, one of the last connections to his past. She hoped Bucky would make himself known soon, for Steve's sake, if nothing else.

"She's helping you with your search?" Maria asked.

He nodded, then returned to his silence. Maria watched him for a moment, then tentatively reached out her hand to take his and squeeze it. He had always impressed her. A good man who had lost everyone he'd ever known and loved, yet remained a good man. Maria had always been alone, yet she probably couldn't say the same for herself. He gave her a tight smile and squeezed her hand in return.

Sharon returned to the table, followed shortly by their food. They ate and chatted between bites. Maria was far more reserved today with Sharon present. It was one thing to let her guard down with Steve and Sam, they had been in battle together. She didn't know Sharon well enough to trust her with anything more than necessary politeness.

"So, what'd you do with Sam?" she finally asked.

She hope her question sounded casual enough to keep suspicions down. Sharon was trained as a spy, after all, and if Natasha had already figured it out, she was sure time spent around Sharon would bring another in on her secret. Kate's fixation on Steve since Maria had introduced them was probably the only reason her assistant hadn't caught on yet.

"He had some family stuff to take care of," Steve said.

Maria wanted to ask more, but she knew that would be obvious by its intrusive nature. Still, she was just glad to hear that it wasn't a case of "He has a 'friend.'" That would have made this day suck in spades. Though what it really mattered, she didn't know. It wasn't as if she planned on acting on the attraction she had towards Sam.

When lunch was done, Sharon left them and Maria and Steve walked back to Avengers Tower together. They'd gone a few blocks in silence when Steve finally spoke.

"Did you know that Fury was rebuilding SHIELD?" he asked.

Maria turned and looked at him sharply, though she didn't halt her steps.

"How did you hear about that?" she asked.

"Ran into an old friend," he replied.

Natasha, Maria was certain, or, at least, Clint. He might have said something as well. Maria was sure Coulson would have contacted both of them by now. But not her, Maria thought, and she forced her face not to betray her feelings on that matter.

"Yes," Maria said. "I heard he was planning something, but I wasn't surprised. It sounds like something Nick would do."

"So, you're not in on it?" Steve asked.

Maria took several more steps, wondering what it was about Steve's question, or was it his tone, that bothered her. She stopped and looked up at him when she finally put her finger on it.

"You think I would be involved and keep that from you?" she asked and she didn't keep the anger from her voice.

The look on Steve's face made Maria feel as if she had slapped him, and she found it somewhat satisfying today. She shook her head in frustration and turned and walked quickly away from him. Steve easily caught up with her, however, and grabbed her arm, asking her to stop.

"Maria," he entreated. "I'm sorry, but you have to see this from my perspective."

"_Your_ perspective," Maria huffed and rested her hands on her hips. "OK, just what _is_ your perspective?"

Steve crossed his own arms across his chest defensively.

"When I heard, I couldn't imagine whom else Fury would have picked for the job," he told her.

Maria gaped at him. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or dumbfounded. She opted for the latter.

"You really _don't_ know how politics work." She glared.

Steve gave her a confused look and Maria sighed.

"Steve, I backed _you_ when you wanted to take down SHIELD," she said.

He still didn't look like he understood.

"Loyalty," she said and hoped the one word would explain to Steve, an honest and forthright man, the complications of situation.

From the look on his face, it had. But just as suddenly he furrowed his brows.

"That's ridiculous," he stated, as if he had some say in the matter. "Of all those left you're the most qualified."

Maria looked at him in surprise. Now she _was_ flattered.

"Thank you," she said. "That means a lot coming from you."

He shook his head, still lost in his thoughts.

"Fury's a jackass," he told her.

She laughed.

"And that means even more."

He looked at her and Maria recognized the emotion on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should have trusted you to tell me. It's just, I couldn't think of anyone else."

"It's OK," Maria tried to assure him. "It's more stress than I really want to deal with anyway."

"No, dammit, it's not OK," he said. "You have been working yourself to the bone, yes, Stark tells me all about it, and here I am jumping to conclusions about."

He stopped and let out a slow, frustrated breath.

"I'm a jackass," he said.

"No," she started.

"Don't defend me, Maria," he said.

"OK. How about I forgive you?" she asked with a smirk.

He smiled slightly.

"That would be very nice of you," he told her.

"I'm a nice person," she said and smiled.

"Yes, yes you are."


End file.
